My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
