would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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