Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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