It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
