Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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