you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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