I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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