there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
