You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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