i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
