There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
