is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
