he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
