i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
