Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i now understand why vodka
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
