He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
