You can't motorboat a personality
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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