I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
