I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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