Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I believe in your delicious
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
