She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
