White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
