I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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