Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
