How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
