Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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