I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
