He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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