i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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