I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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