the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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