We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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