I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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