Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
