Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
