yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
