Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
