There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
