she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
