I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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