Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
