i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
