Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
