Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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