Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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