Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
