I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
