I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
