I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
They took my balls.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
