Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
